Three Leadership Lessons from "The [Wo]man in the Arena"
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again; who at the best knows in the end of the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat” – Theodore Roosevelt
A magnet with this quotation arrived in the mail the very day I returned home from the last of three business trips that month.
I was exhausted, but satisfied with the effort I had put into my last presentation, which I thought I had nailed.
Coincidentally, I had also been listening to Brene Brown’s book, Daring Greatly, inspired by Roosevelt’s quotation, to help me maintain motivation during the month of travel. It had been the first significant time away from my kids. I was presenting my personal and business story to large groups of powerful individuals.
It was hard work in a challenging arena.
Thank goodness for this magnet’s wisdom as I went through the adrenaline crash of the following days and the unanticipated process of receiving difficult feedback.
The last presentation had not gone as well as I had thought.
Cue defeat.
It had taken so much time, energy, and money to make these events happen and to give each of them my best. I had missed that time with my family. I was vulnerable with a group of people who did not seem to have valued it.
There was the magnet.
Roosevelt’s words and Brene Brown’s application of them in her book helped me re-learn and re-integrate three important lessons. Each time I allow myself to receive these lessons I take a leap forward into leadership of my life and of my business.
THESE ARE THREE CRITICAL LESSONS THAT I HELP TEACH MY CLIENTS IN ORDER FOR THEM TO UP-LEVEL THEIR LEADERSHIP CAPACITY.
1. THE PROCESS DETERMINES SUCCESS, NOT THE OUTCOME.
My final presentation had not been received as I had hoped, but I knew I had given it my best. I had thrown myself into the arena whole-heartedly and dared greatly. The effort and integrity of my process had been and would always be ENOUGH.
2. DECIDE WHOSE FEEDBACK MATTERS AND LET GO OF THE REST.
I was frustrated by the feedback, but it came from a man who I knew cared about me and wanted to see me succeed. I had to let go of wondering what the participants in the room had thought about me, but I needed to listen to him. Integrating the well-intentioned feedback from others who dare greatly is essential.
3. FIND THE BALANCE BETWEEN VULNERABILITY AND PROTECTING YOUR ENERGY.
I found myself wondering if the participants had deserved my vulnerability. I ultimately decided that they not only deserved my vulnerability, but desperately needed it. As I so often say to parents, you have to model what you hope to see in your children. I want to model vulnerability by stepping in toward my audiences. I also need to stay acutely aware of when my self-exposure shifts into energy depletion. Sometimes I need to take a step back toward myself in a group of people I do not know. It is a balancing act and I must always be mindful and willing to take a step in either direction to recalibrate.
Authentic leaders know, as Roosevelt writes, “ victory and defeat.” What matters most was the journey of “daring greatly.”
BONUS FOURTH LESSON: NOTICE WHEN PEOPLE SHOW UP FOR YOU AND EXPRESS GRATITUDE.
A relatively new friend and colleague sent me that intuitive and timely reminder in the form of a magnet. Amanda Koplin, mover, shaker, and magic maker. You are a gift to those around you and the hundreds of individuals and families you serve through Koplin Consulting. Thank you for showing up and for getting into that arena every day.
